


Another sip

by AniZH



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Gen, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniZH/pseuds/AniZH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn only keeps on drinking because of Cory. If he worries about him he won't think about Topanga. There is no other reason, is there? (takes places during 5x18)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another sip

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. :) This is just a little story I wanted to write for a while. It takes place during the episode "If You Can't Be With The One You Love", 5x18. I'm always anxious about tagging in the right way (I don't want anyone to be disappointed if they click into a story because of a certain character that then is just shortly mentioned in the story - on the other hand I want everyone, who could possibly be interested in this, to find it). So as always, please tell me if I should tag something different. Thanks and now enjoy this story.

He tells himself he drinks because of Cory. Cory doesn’t notice it yet but he will and as soon as he will, he won’t have to think about Topanga anymore. Shawn doesn’t need anyone to take care of him but Cory always feels like he needs to and this is big enough that it will make Cory forget Topanga for a while.  
It’s a good plan. He assures himself it’s a good plan.  
And it’s not like he is actually doing anything wrong. Yeah, he may not be legally allowed to drink but who cares? Beer actually tasted pretty good and it’s his business what he is doing. It always has been and it always will. Nobody really cares.  
He takes a sip of the beer in his hand when that thought crosses his mind.  
No, Cory cares. Yes, he is preoccupied now with Topanga but he will notice. He hasn’t yet, but he will. He has just thought Cory would notice sooner, after a day or so.  
He takes another sip.  
But he will probably notice tomorrow. And he will put all his energy into helping Shawn. He won’t think about Topanga anymore. He will of course totally loose it because they promised each other...  
With a surge of guilt, he takes another sip.  
But what is it Cory’s business? What is it anyone’s business? Shawn can do whatever he wants! Cory should accept that!  
But Shawn’s thoughts aren’t on Cory anymore as much as he wants them to. They are back in that damn kitchen where he has been so often, where he feels home, where he always has felt kind of safe.  
He feels himself sitting there now again, staring into Mr. Matthews‘ eyes. Mr Matthews who he respects and loves so much.  
He hears his words again, they are drilling themselves into his brain, hurting him everywhere.  
He feels cold again, just like he had in that kitchen. And it took a moment, in which he just had stared into Mr Matthews‘ eyes, before he has told them that it had been him. That it has been his fault.  
And it has, hasn’t it? He had told Cory that he wasn’t fun being around anymore. Cory had been depressed already and Shawn had just stuck it into him.  
He takes another sip and another.  
But as much as he does believe it is his fault... he didn’t take the whiskey. He didn’t make Cory drink. He drank with him. Because he saw Cory in that bathroom and knew he needed someone. And Shawn hadn’t known how else to help him than to just follow him to the end of the earth like he always had.  
But he didn’t actually make Cory drink. Mr Matthews‘ thoughts jumped there right ahead anyway.  
He takes a sip again.  
But who can blame Mr Matthews? He, Shawn, is trailer trash after all - another sip - and he has done some bad stuff in his life – and has always dragged Cory right down with him, too. He doesn’t deserve a friend like Cory.  
He empties the bottle. It’s enough for today. He shouldn’t drink another beer. It’s in the middle of the night, Eric and Jack are already asleep. He doesn’t really understand why he began drinking an hour ago anyway. Cory won’t see him tonight anymore. But somehow he wasn’t able to sleep and he has ended up here.  
He bites his lip and closes his eyes.  
He sees Mr Matthews again in front of him. Mr Matthews says sorry for assuming, for jumping to the wrong conclusion. It doesn’t change anything. He still jumped there, he still just assumed that Shawn had done it.  
He rembemers staring in those familiar eyes and understanding what Mr Matthews thought.  
He feels sick.  
He takes another beer.

He never meant to push Angela. He doesn’t know how that happened. He and Jack talk about seeing someone. Cory sits with him for a long while before he tells him to call whenever he feels like drinking alcohol again.  
Hours later, Shawn lays alone in his bed again. He feels terrible. The good feeling the alcohol gave him has long worn off. But he isn’t about to take another sip. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone again. He still doesn’t understand how he could have pushed Angela.  
He remembers what Jack has said to him before.  
He suddenly feels indrecidbly sick.  
He remembers those night his father has gotten home drunk – or has gotten drunk at home. It happened mostly when his mother hadn’t been there. Sometimes, it happened when she had been there but she had always gotten angry and had walked out when she had noticed. He had always stayed.  
Jack doesn’t know. No, their dad hasn‘t stopped drinking after his mother had walked out on him. No, he hasn’t been drunk much but it had happened. Several times. Yes, he had been an ugly drunk.  
Shawn remembers how he had always hid in one way or another. He hadn‘t always been successful. His father had always apologized afterwards and had promised him that he wouldn’t drink again. One of the thousand promises he had never been able to keep – just like he had promised Shawn again and again that he wouldn’t walk out on him anymore and yet, he is again somewhere Shawn doesn‘t know.  
But Shawn has told himself that he was different. Alcohol wouldn’t make him aggressive. He has been perfectly fine when he had drank with Cory. How could it have happened that he now had pushed Angela? How much like his father he really is? Could he have hit her as well?  
He throws up into the bucket Jack has given him.  
Then he stands up and goes into the living room. He picks up the phone.  
It rings only twice.  
“Shawn?”  
He doesn’t know what to say. He looks out of the window into the night and finally asks: “It’s in the middle of the night. How did you hear the phone?”  
“I decided to sleep on the couch tonight,” Cory answers.  
It hurts Shawn in the best way. He feels sick and like crying and just terrible and lucky, all at the same time.  
It’s again silent for a minute, then Cory’s voice again: “I’m glad that you called.”


End file.
